Then theTheatre Of Dramas

*Moyes

*Samuel

 David Moyes will have little option but to spend an absolute pile of cash on updating Manchester United’s defence in the off-season, with Nemanja Vidic expected to confirm a big-money deal with Inter Milan before the end of the week.

The United skipper, tired with life at Old Trafford, is set to swap Manchester for Milan for deal worth almost $37m over three years.

And with the 32-year-old Serbia centreback out of contract at the end of the season, United is set to lose one of its most senior players for nothing, only adding to the pressure on Moyes, now at an all-time high after the humiliating Champions League loss to Olympiacos.

UK bookies Coral — and pretty much every other betting agency — now has the United boss as favourite Premier League coach next in line to lose his job. The Guardian reports, however, club owners the Glazers are still backing the man Alex Ferguson hand-picked as his successor and that Moyes has been handed a bigger job than anyone else realised.

At least Moyes has an easy run coming up, with relegation-battling West Brom next up — oh, which is then followed by Liverpool, Manchester City and the return leg against Olympiacos …

On the plus side, however, United says Robin van Persie will not be allowed to leave the club, despite rumours the Dutchman is another big name dissatisfied with the new regime at the Theatre of Dreams.

RVP was said to be considering his future at the club, after venting some of his frustrations following the loss in Greece that some Utd teammates are occupying the spaces he likes to play in.

“Our fellow players are sometimes occupying the spaces I want to play in, and when I see that it makes it difficult for me to come to those spaces as well. So that forces me to adjust my runs,” he told Dutch TV.

“Unfortunately, they’re often playing in my zones. I think that’s a shame.’

But sources at Old Trafford have let it be known the Netherlands striker, who has two years left on his contract and release clause, is going nowhere — but his comments still give some illustration of the problems within the team.

And in even more Old Trafford-related horse-flogging, United season-ticket holders have been told they must buy a ticket for the return leg against Olympiacos — or they will be excluded from the Manchester derby a week later.

A lovely email from United’s ticketing and membership services department read: “The deadline to buy your ticket for Olympiacos FC is Wednesday 26th February 2014 at 8pm.

“Please note that not buying this ticket will result in your Season Ticket being suspended for the Manchester City game. We look forward to hearing from your shortly.”

Talk about kicking them when they’re down!

ETO’O Unveiled

Jose Mourinho didn’t know he was being filmed when he had a crack at Samuel Eto’o’s age — “The problem with Chelsea is I lack a scorer. I have Eto’o but he is 32 years old, maybe 35, who knows?” – but the controversy rumbles on.

Eto’o is now, apparently, ‘very annoyed’ by Mourinho’s comment, caught unawares by French TV station Canal Plus, according to former Cameroon boss Claude Le Roy.

“I had [Eto’o] on the phone just before I came on screen, and he’s very annoyed,” Le Roy told Canal Plus show Talents d’Afrique.

“Actually, Mourinho went to see him before he saw the pictures and told him to not believe everything that was going to be said. And that he had said nothing about him. But I can tell you that Samuel didn’t like it.”

But Mou’s not the only one who’s confused — Eto’o’s former girlfriend Anna Barranca told The Sun she believes the striker is closer to 40!

“I think Samuel is not 35 he is more 39. Samuel was born in 1974 and so that makes him 39 now. It was evident Samuel was older than the age he said he was when he first came to Europe.”